


breaking again to properly heal

by Kehwie



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kehwie/pseuds/Kehwie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "Fractured." A fix-it.  Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	breaking again to properly heal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [campylobacter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/campylobacter/gifts).



> Awhile back, I wrote this weird story called "Fractured." Frankly, it depressed the hell out of me (stupid muses). The fabulous Campy read it and said it depressed her too. We briefly discussed the idea of a "fix it," and well...this happened. 
> 
> It's still slightly depressing, because things were all messed up and there were no easy solutions. I had truly written myself into the proverbial corner. But for those of us who love the Daniel/Vala pairing, it does end with hope. And I got to make John all selfless and heroic, which was fun. :) 
> 
> The title comes from the idea that sometimes if a broken bone isn't set properly, it has to be rebroken so that it will heal correctly. Since "Fractured" broke Daniel and Vala in ways that couldn't be fixed, some painful rebreaking had to be done before they could heal. I like the title better than the story, I think. :-p And to my grammar nerd friends, yes, I know I split that infinitive. My apologies. ;)
> 
> Campy, I hope this "fixes it" enough to satisfy. If not, well...I think these two are depressing enough. I'm not writing anymore. I am sticking to happy fluff from now on! 
> 
> A big thanks to AerynB for being a beta, a cheerleader, and an idea-bouncer. Love ya! 
> 
> P.S. An old, unedited copy of the file somehow made it here the first time. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that it's all fixed now! :-p

Breaking Again to Properly Heal

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1, and I make no profit.

Daniel Jackson sat alone in his office. His coffee was cold, and the sandwich he had gotten from the commissary hours ago was beyond unappetizing. The text sitting in front of him had failed to hold his interest, and the preliminary report on P4X-991 wasn't faring any better. 

Removing his glasses, Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose then massaged his temples. Nope, that didn't help either. He scowled at the photograph on the corner of his desk. 

How had everything managed to unravel so completely, anyway? Everything had been so perfect. The Goa'uld were gone. The Ori were gone. Atlantis was sitting right there in the San Francisco Bay. He had Vala. He could study the Ancients to his heart's content with the woman of his dreams by his side. But it had all fallen so horribly apart. And for the life of him, he couldn't pinpoint the first domino that had started all of the others tumbling. Where exactly had it gone wrong?

Not that it mattered now. Vala was with Sheppard. She had been for years. The two had never married; Sheppard had already been divorced once and Vala had so many failed unions under her belt that she didn't even want to try it again. But they might as well be married. Everyone knew they were together. Everyone knew they were going to stay together. 

And Daniel had married Gina Tilman. He loved her. He was committed to her. He had made a home and a life with her....

So the fact that today was the date that should have been his anniversary with Vala meant nothing. Nothing at all. He wasn't pining for her, didn't miss her, didn't dwell on “what ifs” and “could have beens,” wasn't getting lost in a sea of regrets....

Yeah, and the Stargate didn't make a “kawoosh” when the wormhole engaged. Daniel scowled again and picked up the picture from his desk to study it. 

He only kept four personal photos in the office. A picture of Sha're still graced one wall; he'd never been able to remove it. His wedding photo with Gina was also on display. The final two were SG-1 team photos. One was the “original band” and the other was the five members of the “new team.” Truth be told, he kept the photos because it was an inconspicuous way to keep a picture of Vala close at hand. He ground his fists into his eyes in frustration. 

“Daniel?” 

He looked up and smiled. “Hey, hon. Guess I should be getting home, huh? Sorry, got caught up in stuff; you know how it goes.” 

Gina looked away briefly then looked back at him. “Yes, I know how it goes,” she said quietly. “It doesn't matter though; my shift just ended. We can leave together.”

“Sounds great,” Daniel agreed. “Maybe we can grab something to eat on the way home.” He dumped the stale sandwich in the trash can. 

“Sure, that would be great.” Gina's voice sounded strained and subdued. Daniel frowned. 

“Hey, what's wrong?” He knew why he was feeling forlorn today, but why would Gina? He had never mentioned his anniversary with Vala to his wife. They hadn't really discussed Vala much at all, truth be known. 

“We can talk about it at home,” Gina said quietly. Something in her tone of voice made Daniel's gut clench. He simply nodded and followed her topside.

They ended up not stopping for food. Daniel drove straight to the house, fighting down a strange mix of panic and deja vu. They walked inside, and Daniel turned to face his wife. “All right, what is it?”

Gina's nervous expression and wringing hands did little to calm his nerves. She drew a deep breath. “Daniel, I have something to tell you...”

“Yeah, I got that, thanks,” Daniel muttered. She flinched, and he immediately felt remorseful. “Sorry, but you're worrying me. Just say it.” 

“Okay.” She took another breath then blurted, “I'm leaving.” 

Daniel sank into one of the kitchen chairs. “Excuse me?” 

She began to cry. “I'm sorry, Daniel, really I am. But I hate working at the SGC and I hate your long hours and I hate how you get lost inside your own head. I especially hate feeling I rank third or fourth in your life, somewhere behind your job and your artifacts and your damn memories.” 

Feeling like someone had just slugged him hard in the gut, Daniel fought for air. “Whaaat...?” he finally managed to croak.

Scrubbing her hands across her cheeks, Gina tried to explain, “I don't like the SGC, Daniel. I don't like the secrecy and the crazy alien stuff and the unpredictability of it all. I don't like feeling ignored and left out when you get absorbed by some fascinating text or statue or whatever. And I especially don't like feeling like I'm competing with the ghost of Sha're and the memory of Vala and losing badly. Why should I settle for being your consolation prize?” 

His stomach churned. “Honey, why didn't you ever tell me you were feeling all this?” 

“I don't know, honestly. I should have, I know that. But I didn't and now it's too late and I'm leaving.” 

“Wait a minute, why is it too late?” Daniel demanded. “Gina, we can work on this. You can get a different job. I'll try harder. You don't have to leave!” 

“I do, Daniel. I've already got another job. And...I met someone. He's crazy about me. I don't rank behind his job and his dead wife and his former lover. I'm sorry, I truly am, but it is over.” 

He shut his eyes. Please let me wake up. Please let this be some sort of nightmare. This can't be happening! 

He looked up, and his gaze met his wife's. Her eyes were clouded with tears, but her expression was resolute. She had made up her mind on this. So Daniel Jackson, the man who never gave up, never stopped fighting, never backed down, did the unthinkable. 

He nodded his assent and gave up on his marriage.

 

SGC gossip spreads quickly. Unable to share much of their jobs with anyone outside of the program, workers made up for it by chatting all the more with their fellow Stargate employees about their fellow Stargate employees. It seemed to Daniel that by the time he arrived in the commissary for his first cup of coffee the next morning, half the base already knew that his marriage had ended. 

By the end of the day, the news had traveled to Atlantis. 

Vala Mal Doran stood on one of the balconies, staring out over the Bay. Dammit, she thought, angrily swiping at her face, why can't I stop crying?

She knew why though. She had heard of Daniel's impending divorce. Her heart broke for him, even though it had been years since they had been together. Somehow the years apart just didn't seem to matter all that much. She loved John, she truly did, as much as she was capable anyway, but...

John wasn't Daniel. And the reason she couldn't love him wholly was because part of her heart had always belonged to Daniel and in spite of all her best efforts, it always would. 

Sometimes she hated that. She wished she could give all of herself to John. He certainly deserved it. He'd been there for her even when Daniel had not. He deserved a partner who could be one hundred percent his. 

But Vala was broken, fractured. She wasn't sure she could be one hundred percent anybody's. 

Still, she had comforted herself over the years with the thought that at least Daniel had found someone who was completely and totally his. She had met Gina. The girl seemed so sweet and uncomplicated; she would be totally devoted to Daniel.

Now, though, with the news of his marriage breakup traveling through the entire Stargate program, Vala knew she had been wrong. Utterly, horribly wrong. Gina had left Daniel for another man. How could anyone leave Daniel for someone else?

She ignored the voice in her head insisting that she had pretty much done the same thing. She had fallen into bed with John one night when she and Daniel were on the outs. The loneliness and despair had simply become too much, and John had been there to comfort her. 

She had never really intended for it to be a case of her leaving Daniel for John; it had just worked out that way. And she had always sort of figured it had been better for Daniel in the end. He deserved someone like Gina, someone without all the baggage Vala had. 

Now though...

She tried to stifle her sobs. It was probably bad form to be crying over the breakup of your ex's marriage. 

John found her there. John always found her. It was one of the things she loved most about him. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, not saying a word, just holding her, rocking gently back and forth. She felt his lips touch her hair. 

For awhile they just stood there, Vala weeping and John holding her. Finally he spoke. “You should go to him.” 

Vala could not have been more shocked if he had suddenly sprouted an extra head or suddenly started spouting Goa'uld poetry. “What?” 

John sighed. “Vala. I know why you're crying. I know you're hurting for him. I know you love him. You should go to him. He probably needs you right now.” 

“But, John...”

“Shh.” He pressed a finger to her lips. “It's okay, babe, really. I've always known you love him. I've always known you didn't mean for us to be the end of you two. I knew going into it that that night was only supposed to be a one-night stand. It was just supposed to be a balm for your battered ego. Jackson leaving was the only reason it ever became anything more. I've always known that.”

“But, John...” she tried again. 

He shook his head. “No, don't. I know you love me. I do, Vala. I love you too. And I know that if his marriage had stuck, you would have stayed here and stayed with me for the rest of our lives. I would have loved that, and we would have been happy. We have been happy. But Jackson has always been your first love, your real love, the one who really has your heart. He's available now, and enough time has probably passed for him to forgive you. You can try again.” 

Vala made a third attempt. “John...”

His mouth quirked up in a sad half-smile. “Quit arguing, sweetheart. Even if it doesn't work out between you two, you owe it to yourselves to give it one more chance. If nothing else, he's hurting and he needs a friend. You were always his friend, Vala, even before you were anything else. You can help him heal.” 

“But, John, I made a commitment to you!” she protested. 

His smile broadened slightly. “Oh, Vala, don't you know why I never asked you to marry me?” 

She blinked. “What?” 

“It wasn't because we've both had failed marriages in the past,” he continued. “It was because I've always known that you couldn't tell me yes. You'd want to, but you couldn't. I know that. I love you, and I love the time we've had together. I would have spent the rest of my life with you. But your heart is his. And I think that even with all your failed marriages, you would tell him yes in a heartbeat if he proposed.” 

Vala was bawling in earnest now. No longer was she crying for Daniel; now she was crying for her long-time partner and the heartache she had caused him. Damn, what was this curse she had on her head. “Oh, John...I never meant...” 

He hugged her to him. “Babe, it's okay. I know you didn't. And I'll be fine.” He kissed her, slowly and sweetly--a kiss of farewell. 

Vala clung to him, her own answering kiss desperate. She wasn't ready for farewell. She had spent years with John Sheppard. She had intended to stay with him forever. She had committed to him, even if they weren't married. She wasn't planning on going back to Daniel Jackson! And that was assuming Daniel even wanted her back! 

So she poured all of that into her kiss, and the two of them stumbled from the balcony into their quarters, hands groping and fumbling. What followed wasn't really make-up sex or good-bye sex; it was the frantic, heated rush between two people who weren't sure what their future would be. But in the end, Vala lay spent with her head on John's chest. She lifted it briefly to look at him. “I love you, John Sheppard,” she whispered, her voice still choked by her earlier tears. 

He kissed her lightly. “I know, babe. I love you too. And that's why I'm willing to let you go.” 

Still, Vala never would have been able to leave had it not been for Teyla's return.

Teyla had spent the last few years back in the Pegasus galaxy with her son and his father. She came back to Atlantis with only her son. She was now very single. 

John would never leave her for Teyla, and Vala knew it. But suddenly she no longer knew what the right course of action was. She could go to Daniel, try to be there for him, try to heal his heart and hers. But that meant leaving John, and she quaked inwardly at the thought.

Still, if she stayed, she was robbing John of his last chance with Teyla. And that didn't seem fair to him. “I love you too. And that's why I'm willing to let you go,” he had said. Didn't he deserve the same from her? 

Things were so messed up. It was going to hurt no matter what. But when she spied John and Teyla laughing together one day over breakfast, Vala knew what her decision should be, what it had to be. 

She returned to the SGC two days later. 

Daniel met her at the entrance to the mountain. 

He hugged her like he would never let her go. 

She didn't intend to give him the option this time.


End file.
